The Pantsuit Tipping Point: The Conversation is Just Getting Going
Like a lot of people this week, I am both disappointed and surprised by the outcome of the election. I respect Hillary and I voted for her because she is capable and smart. While I certainly was excited about the prospect of the first female President, I voted for a qualified candidate. Who, yes, also happened to be a woman.
Pantsuit Nation
Yes, I am a member of the secret Facebook Group, Pantsuit Nation named after Hillary, that anybody can join, though I cannot tell you the secret handshake! And while I am saddened by the results of Tuesday, I believe this election has forced a really important social conversation about women, glass ceilings, sexism, harassment, rape culture, and the expectations and double-standards we put on women. This contentious and ugly election created amazing momentum that I hope continues when it comes to women not staying silent. So many women were triggered by Trump’s statements and they spoke up in volumes — emboldened in a way they hadn’t been before. And it was so inspiring and powerful to witness.
And I am thankful for Hillary for her service and for what she started and galvanized. She inspires me and we all need to support women — including women helping each other.
And the conversation about sexism in the workplace, in politics, and about the multi-layered issues women face in our culture didn’t just explode - it went “mainstream shit-storm!” In part, I think it was a clash of extreme contexts that elevated the dialogue. Here we had a qualified woman who bore the slings of so much venom and hate and an arguably unqualified businessman who did much of the hateful mud-slinging. The rhetoric of Trump and many in the Republican party was so outrageous, that the discussion had to happen. Rational people — afraid and worried — spoke up.
The shit-storm was a confluence of factors and political contrasts. Between this awful political rhetoric, the issue of entitled wealthy, privileged athletes and the glorification of rape culture, the harassment of women by Roger Ailes, and assault of women by famous people (Bill Cosby, anybody?) — the conversation rightly exploded out of women’s closets and women’s groups and into every day mainstream conversation at the table, in the news, at work, and all over social media.
Vocal Women and Determined Male Champions
This bigger conversation, though it should have happened a long time ago, is the start of something really important that cannot go backwards. In all my work and stage experience — riddled with so many stories of my own and of so many female friends— I have never seen more men discussing these topics than now. And we need men to change the culture. Yes, there was hateful rhetoric from some places and some men, and yet there was thoughtful discussion and empathetic support from so many men decrying the misogynist rhetoric we heard. I have never seen more men pick up the mantle for women’s rights than I saw in this past election cycle. Have things changed permanently? I hope so — the conversation is just getting going.
In my world, I saw and heard men speaking up for women at work, speaking up about the bullshit of sexual harassment and defending women who are afraid to speak up after being sexually harassed, speaking up for a better world for their friends, sisters, daughters, wives, and so many of the women they know. I had male friends listen with empathy to the stories so many of us shared about being harassed, discriminated against, groped, and yes, assaulted. I witnessed waves of compassion and support and apologies. So many men said “I am sorry that you went though that and it’s unacceptable.”
I saw and heard men step up first and call the disgusting comments out for what they are — evidence of rape-culture, and not benign locker room talk. I heard men saying in all their years of locker-room talk, they never heard men talk like that. I heard men use the words “rape culture” because they wanted to learn what they can do to support the women in their lives. I heard men calling other men out on the carpet for sexist comments and calling out the bullshit of “nasty woman” and the bullshit behind why some men still don’t like Hillary but “can’t quite seem to put their finger on it.” I saw and heard so men say, “I know why and shame on you.” And I am encouraged.
“The Fierce Urgency of Now”
In all my years of being a storyteller and a comic — where sexism can be off the charts — I have never heard or seen more compassion, more initiation of empathetic conversation, more recognition of sexism as a human issue and not a women’s issue.
This is my point — we have reached a powerful and important inflection point in the conversation about sexism and the glass ceiling. In the same way that the 8-years of Barack Obama as President didn’t undo racism, electing a female president would not have unraveled misogyny. It doesn’t work like that. While the glass ceiling for president has yet to be shattered for women, Hillary’s campaign and the momentum of Pantsuit Nation indeed left a lot of cracks.
From “Women’s Issues” to Mainstream Human Rights
Yes, I am worried about the fact the more qualified person — a woman — lost, and I understand the issues behind that are many. I also worry that a president who has bragged about “pussy grabbing” and used “nasty women” so liberally (and we know what that is thinly veiled code for) will not be a champion of women. That’s an understatement. The most important check and balance to the outrageous behavior and rhetoric we have heard in this election must continue to be the rising tide of voices speaking up to say, “the status quo around how we treat women is not ok and we won’t stay silent.” And that many of these voices are men speaking up is so important.
And that is precisely why this conversation about misogyny cannot go back in the women’s closet. It is not a women’s issue — it is a human issue in the same way racism and classism are deep, important and critical issues to discuss and work through. It’s out in the mainstream and in the every day light. As it should be. And for that I am grateful despite the outcome on Tuesday.
To all the men who speak up, to all the brave women who share their stories, and to Hillary and all the Pantsuit Nation members, thank you. We’ve come far. Too far to ever go back.
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I am a comedian, speaker/author (“Stop Boring Me!”), and business storytelling and content strategist. I help organizations have idea orgasms (workshop at SXSW 2017). Fan of fun and good nonsense in the name of creativity. My 8-yr-old thinks I am hilarious. I know that window is closing soon. For now, though, he doesn’t get out much. My company is Keepingithuman.com.
