Woman Exec Apologizes for Best Sales Record in Company History

Jane Montgomery, a business unit head of People-y Company International, put her coffee down in a somber way, as she looked out the window. “I clearly got it wrong. I thought sales would increase by 25%. They increased by 21%. I was way off,” she said. “The worst part: I let my team down.”

“Down?” her employee mused. “Nope. Jane is the most consistently accurate on sales estimates of any business unit head,” he said.

Another male colleague, a business division head who is Montgomery’s counterpart and who agreed to speak on the basis of anonymity, added, “I am way off all the time. Like by a factor of 5. I never apologize,” he said. “I don’t even know to” he laughed. “I haven’t had to do that. Like ever. I got promoted. I just went in and asked for it. Look, projections are an estimate. So…I just wing it like everyone else does, except Jane. She’s so in the ballpark it’s scary, “ he said. “She’s good. She should be running the place,” he said. “You’re not gonna tell her I said that, right?”

Ms. Montgomery added in disbelief, “that 4% difference — that’s the hardest part to make peace with. A lot of people were counting on me to get it right. What’s worse? I was going to apply for a CXO job, but being off by 4%? I mean now I just don’t know if I can do it. Sure, I am qualified for 90% of the job. But the other 10%? How can people rely on me now?”

Bob Davis, Sr. VP from accounting laughed it off, ‘Look, 4% off on sales projections is the best estimate we’ve ever had. Like ever. It’s all a best guess anyway. 4% is a rounding error. The CEO drops that amount on fancy parties every month. Let down? Seriously? She said that? Man, wow. Well, you are bumming me out now. It’s NBA finals and I could be watching that.”

“I don’t know know what I was thinking,” Ms. Montgomery admitted. “I’m used to being twice as accurate and paid less than others. But now…how will little girls look up to me? I know it’s my fault and I will beat myself up about it for a long time, and then not apply for jobs I am 90%+ qualified for. I really am sorry for disappointing people. I’ll just have to work harder.”

“Yeah…ok. Am I supposed to be disappointed? Well, she already works for less pay and does a great job…far better than the other business unit heads in this company,” said Davis. So, yeah, if extreme diligence is disappointing, then yeah, I am super disappointed with her level of accuracy. So…we’re good here, right? Hell, if my NBA finals pool was only off by 4%, that would be awesome. Can I go home now?”

While Davis left thinking it was no big deal, Montgomery is left to ponder what went wrong and to self-flagellate for quite some time.

(header image: rawpixel-com via unsplash.com)

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I am a comedian, speaker, author (“Stop Boring Me!”- on Amazon) and storyteller. I help organizations solve problems creatively and collaboratively. I am a fan of good nonsense. My 8-yr-old thinks I am hilarious. I know that window is closing soon. My company is Keepingithuman.com. Join the community! Follow Kathy on Twitter. Kathy speaks on humor, improvisation, and organizational storytelling and how to generate new ideas. I do also like to write occasionally about serious stuff too.